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Hand and Associates Learning and Mediation Services

 804 479 0002

Don't Agitate - Mediate!

My Blog


Maintaining a Stand for Tolerance

Posted on March 7, 2014 at 2:14 PM Comments comments (103)
So what's it all about - Alfie???  Lots of positive social justice in the news-yet intolerance is still alive, well and running a muck!!!  

Thanks readers for all the thoughtful comments you have posted about this continuing blog.  You are very kind and I do appreciate you checking me out.

The latest rant if you will is about Arizona law makers who took it upon themselves to decide businesses could actually say in 2014 - customers will not be served by us because our values/religion disagree with "who you love", "who the almighty made you to be" and even though you bring with you a healthy economic base - we in essence do not want your business or your presence in our public space to serve!!! Dayum!  How bold and elitist is that???  I bet some of those same places will allow customers to enter with their pets - but I as a paying respectable customer because of what I do in my private life you will refuse to serve me???  Is there a survey on the menu that I would need to answer first before being served?  Or do I wear a Scarlet F on my chest so that you can see me coming!!!

What is really up with people these days?  A practice of tolerance and cultural sensitivity has taken a back seat by some (certainly not all) that then demands attention to the fact they would even make the consideration?  

Sports though has taken a new attitude for tolerance - to this I say good for public recognition.  As one may realize though, it is just as much about economics and public opinion as it is about being tolerant and understanding within the industry.  Yet, such an uproar about the Olympics and how appalled we were about a foreign leader not wanting a "gay" presence to politically upset the games.  The same sort of questions might be asked on how accepting we shall be within our country regarding the "Gay Games" being held in the Cleveland, OH this summer.    How will we show our support there?  They too may be experiencing some fundamental push back from the "good ole" fundamentalists!!!   To provide positive support, one certainly does not have to venture across the water or several continents to demonstrate one's support - lesson learned in Arizona -  Like they say if you do it there, you can do it anywhere.   

Moving us forward 



Posted on January 1, 2014 at 1:53 PM Comments comments (123)
This past sunday - I missed mass due to the weather, so why not take the opportunity to watch it on television?  As unusual and uneventful as this might seem - it soon turned into a disappointment and most distasteful experience.  The theme of this week's sermon revolved around "family" and Marriage - marriage of the "traditional sort"!  Hmm, how alarming when this "man of the cloth" began to pontificate and singularly define family and marriage to his congregants and television audience.   His proclaimed definition that only allowed for one perspective and a total disregard of what is trending in today's society across boundaries and cultures. 

Even though I know people like him exist, and of course, they are welcome to their views and comments - on this particular day, such commentary, while supported by the "good book" and other unidentified not so good books - actually disrupted my day.  Throughout this day - I felt troubled and found his haunting commentary to be hurtful and ludicrous!!!  It was hard to fathom that someone who was supposed to represent tolerance - speak so vehemently against it!!!

Gosh darn it!!!  I hope that today's non traditional/more open swing of society's pendulum toward family and marriage will continue to swell as we enter a new year!!!  As long as people are willing to love one another and take care of each other - what they look like and who they do it with - really should not matter.  

Happy New Year

Same Sex Marital Issues

Posted on June 28, 2013 at 3:16 PM Comments comments (93)
What a powerful thing - the Supreme Court done done away with DOMA - WOW!!!  Hey folks we are truely open now for business.  

Just like any married couple - same sex married couples continue to need a place to talk out their wears and woes.  I look forward to conducting/facilitating gay marriage sessions - a needed forum in which to air the frustration, but also to celebrate the good things happening in the relationship.  This is where I really want to spend my time - let's share and give each other props about what we are doing right and keeping that relationship healthy, loving and stress free.  

Do I have any takers???  How about that postive speak - same sex couple retreat?  I know some places that you could really just cool out and have some deep and meaningful conversations.  That is my challenge to you.  What say you????

To answer Maysa's question - Can we the world ? - damn skippy!!!!!


Same Sex Marital Issues

Posted on May 20, 2013 at 12:21 PM Comments comments (13)
Having a someone you can trust in these days of uncertainty and change - can be not only useful but imperative.  I try very hard to provide a venue for couples experiencing this needed service.   Are there other more wise folk out there? Probably - but not everybody seems comfortable in talking about it in this forum.  For those who appreciated the blog or at the least discussing or mentioning the issue - thanks, and I urge you/insist you to write back and share your enlightening thoughts and feelings!!  

As a mediator for over a decade - getting to the bottom line takes time.  Clients have to feel comfortable in expressing themselves especially in a safe environment in which they can be heard individually, as a half of a couple or dare I speculate even as a member of a group. Relationships are a challenge in any configuration - a good mediator should be sensitive to the work and even the challenge to be able to help others work on themselves.  I find it especially powerful when the "ah ha" moment or break through occurs.  It is uplifting and humbling at the same time.  

I must admit - I've had a pretty good counselor who has helped me and my relationship - I want to be able to continue to pay it forward and help others.    

Mediator Effectiveness - Same sex marital issues

Posted on April 26, 2013 at 8:18 AM Comments comments (15)
In today's world of expanded tolerance and change - should a mediator be able to demonstrate empathy working with a same sex couple experiencing marital issues or relational problems to be effective?  Looking for comments as I do this research.  Where does one park their value system to be an effective facilitated neutral in this process.  Besides same sex marriage and unions seem to  be having more societal acceptance.  What say you fellow bloggers????