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Hand and Associates Learning and Mediation Services

 804 479 0002

Don't Agitate - Mediate!

My Blog



Posted on August 17, 2014 at 11:24 AM Comments comments (32)
The need for tolerance, understanding and sensitivity is at a critical point in our society and world right now - this very minute!!! Such is the illustration of events in Ferguson, MO, the status of our political acumen, the middle east and across this world in general.  How is it that we as a people refuse to learn from all the violence and unrest that besieged our citizenry and society to yet repeat over again and again?  

Why is it that people of color and those economically challenged must relive the experience of insensitivity by those with privilege and obsessive power?  When can we just say enough already - stop the madness and dammit leave us alone!!  The abuse of power and blatant disrespect of fellow human beings is extremely disheartening 50-plus years after so many activists in our country fought and died for simple equity and equality of life and its opportunities.  When do we reach a point where differences in race, gender, religion or orientation not be a measurement by which I or people like me are judged and/or are mistreated because of them.    

The strides and accomplishments made have been great - yet the irreverence of intolerance by still so many does tend to overshadow those accomplishments.  This is why sensitivity, respect for life and open/genuine dialogue must and has to be practiced as a norm/on the regular.  It is the least we can/should do for the generations of young people who did not experience our past pain to yet now have to experience it in this new world that we are living.  Changed behavior is about learning from our past mistakes - like the saying goes - when will we ever learn???

truly peace   

What's in a holiday?

Posted on December 6, 2013 at 10:54 AM Comments comments (238)
We have reached the final month of another year.  The holiday season is upon us and what have we done to make a difference in the world in which we live???  With the loss of Mr Mandela and others within in our global society - what do we do to continue the work of change and progress in this global environment?  There are so many folk doing positive things but their efforts seem to get lost in what is wrong in the world versus what folk are doing right!! Let's keep above the fray of negativity during this season of giving and care - make that the winning headline and our official mantra!!!  

Take time to pay a good deed forward and reach back to bring someone else along.  Like the song says - let there be peace on earth and let it begin "with me"!!

Happy holidays from Hand and Associates

Power of Opposites and Beyond

Posted on November 6, 2013 at 7:50 PM Comments comments (14)
According to Science Fiction novelist Orson Scott, "In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him..." What a powerful statement from the movie Ender's Game.  I saw the movie last week and absolutely loved it.  Not only did it represent levels of morality questions but its diverse cast and elements of reflective/sensitive thought were overwhelmingly impressive.

You have read my thoughts about how one often seems to attract those most opposite to oneself.  So did Ender.  He so much wanted to not only prove himself, but also to be accepted.  Yet, his drive for competition and acceptance - elevated him to a level of authority that even amazed him.  Which then poses more questions for me.  Does one attract the opposite because there is something about self you are lacking?  a need in your inner circle of satisfaction or even conquest to prove your ability to deal with such an individual??  Not real sure, but the thought has pondered me.  After a 30 year relationship which has been so so unfulfilling and understood well enough to defeat - in this moment I so so understand the love!!!  Damn is that not frustrating or what??? 

So to all my readers out there - think about who you find your self attracted or conversely them to you - be mindful what it means in the long and short term.  Is it real?  Is it healthy?  Is it worth the differences?  Are they really an enemy, with whom you are now in love??????  Give it some thought and let me know.  Chat some more!!!


Obvious Mediation Needed

Posted on October 1, 2013 at 2:45 PM Comments comments (21)
Are you on info overload from bureaucratic rhetoric yet???  Yes, I am referring to the latest of Congressional antics that have resulted in a US government shut down!  What does this mean to the average citizen who 1) can't work because their office or work site is literally "shut down" for operation; or 2) those workers who are exempt or essential but are working for a congressional IOU until whenever congress peeps decide to approve a continuing resolution.  How does this work with one's creditors?  Does one get to tell their mortgage or car note holders - here is an IOU until my employer decides they want to pay me?

This situation is not only stressful but lends itself to be a classic case for a full blown mediation.  Certainly, the issues are vast and the solutions will not be easy, but until someone intervenes to make something happen - this will continue to be a potentially painful brewing standstill/stalemate!!!  How does one resolve the competing interests of all the parties involved?  While the most significant parties involved do not even have a seat at the conversation table, these are the citizens and workers most adversely affected!  What about them, congressperson?  Will you be governing by taking a personal paycheck pass until this situation is resolved?  Sounds like that might be extra incentive right there.  Will you be notifying your personal creditors that they will need to wait while you pontificate before you agree to make a decision that affects thousands of workers?  How do you with sincerity and concern tell your personal staff to simply "suck it up" until you and your elected colleagues decide to make something happen while the staff painfully await to receive a paycheck in a timely fashion if at all.

Enough already!!!  Give those folks who just want to work, receive their pay and take care of their families and themselves a break!!!  Time to come down off of your philosophical "high horse"!!  

You were elected to do the work of the people not make the people who put you in office be held hostage to your nonsense.  It might be time for you to "suck it up" or be personally docked for not doing your jobs!!!  

If others are feelin me - weigh in and let's get some more convo flowing.  Thanks again for tuning in!!!!   

In Search of Something New...

Posted on September 1, 2013 at 2:48 PM Comments comments (48)
Wow, summer is over and today's the lastopportunity for wearing one's cool seasonal white garb.  As green begins to trasition to autum reds and browns - I want to seek new ways to operate and create new energy.  Summer madness leads to winter woes - I need a new way to process and communicate.  All who read this - what do you seek?  Help me identify the kind of energy to excite my self and my clients.  Not just recycled oldies, but a brand new creativity and wonderment!!!  Who has some provoking thoughts about moving the world and its occupants to a fresh and functional continuation about a path of newness?  Help a brother out???  Wanting to be on the cutting edge - counting on creativity and congruence to carry me forward.  Send me a message!!  Share a thought!! Help to create a new history that treks to a fresh forward stream of thoughtfulness!  

Power of Opposites - Continued

Posted on June 3, 2013 at 8:59 AM Comments comments (105)
If communication is key – why do we see so much less of it in a direct sort of way?   

Just think about the important discussions going on in the world today - between the handlers and the news media.  Why can’t there just be time taken to sit down and talk things out more directly?   As a mediator/coach, it is what I like to emphasize most – let’s just talk about it.  Don’t worry about what you initially want, need or desire – that piece of self will come later by practicing at being open and move toward building trust.    

One might wonder - How is it that a Dennis Rodman (athlete now regular kinda guy) can have a conversation with a world leader (Kim Jong-Un) while paid and more empowered diplomats have less dialogue or even opportunity to be in the same room with this guy?  Yet, his/our incongruent behavior may really mean they just really want to be recognized and garner some attention.    

Let’s consider a more simplistic relationship – think about a child or even a pet.  What quickly averts our attention to them most?  Being the best they can be or demonstrating their worst?  While the worst behavior may not be the most optimum it does accomplish the objective - our child or yes even the beloved pet now have our attention and some direct communication.  Attention, even if negative – still makes us notice.  

Power of Opposites Continued

Posted on May 20, 2013 at 11:58 AM Comments comments (15)

Special thanks to my newest blog followers.  Your comments are always welcome!!!  I look forward to continue to stimulate thought and our growing conversations together.  Peace

INSIGHT Two   Role reversal – if I can see it – I can manage it – maybe??   Ever asked the question from/ of others – “Is that how I really act? Is that how people really see me?”  Steve Erkle (character on TV’s Family Matters) may have said it best, “Did I do that??”  Sometimes the man/woman in the mirror is not always a pleasant sight to reflect, but sometimes we just need a visual.  In doing some marriage and couple facilitating/coaching – one of my favorite activities is to have the clients participate in role reversal.  In this process, the husband/wife or partner/partner portray the role and actions of the other to demonstrate how the one acts, speaks, or even treats the other.  

This is particularly revealing, as one is able to see when portrayed by his/her mate.  Even through some “over the top” demonstrations – there is typically sufficient validity about what is demonstrated when that behavior is reversed for direct display.  The Erkle question becomes real – “I do that?   Another version of this activity for single clients is to illustrate – for self the opposite of whom you think you are in order to reach an acceptable medium of who you would like to actually be.  The whole idea is to think about your personal current reality and consider what you may need to do in your life – regarding how you react to others, how you want others to treat or react to you and then take the risk and just self adjust.  Are there times when we must take that risk to do something differently with and about ourselves in order to create and manage change in our lives?  Opposites in this respect are not only enlightening but also empowering!!!

When All is Write in the World!

Posted on May 3, 2013 at 6:18 PM Comments comments (20)
How much time do you spend texting, tweeting or emailing when a phone call would have been more pleasant and appreciated?  I believe we as a society have moved away from talking to one another in deference to scripting it into a not so well verse few words of text!  Wassup wit dat?  Help me understand - do we not like the convo anymore?  Let me know ur thoughts!  A bit curious.